For some, the holidays can feel duplicitous when it comes to cultivating joy. Seasonal decorations, gatherings and festive settings can elicit feelings of joy and comfort but the energy that churns within or around these environments can often feel heavy or charged.
- Approximately 35 percent of Americans don’t look forward to the holidays because of the loss of a loved one.
- 1 in 9 will spend the holidays alone.
- Nearly half of all consumers dread the holidays because of their associated costs.
In addition, many people feel forced to confront challenging interpersonal relationships during the holidays or experience compounded isolation or discrimination. Others simply fall out of their routines, creating less space for self-care and rest and more room for the chaotic churn of holiday parties, travel and shopping.
No matter how you slice it, the holidays can create the perfect storm in the world of mental health and energy challenges. When was the last time you came home from a holiday trip feeling nurtured, restored and refreshed? When was the last time the holiday season ended and you said “I can’t wait for next year!”
It would be shortsighted, however, to suggest that we don’t participate in holiday activities and gatherings as many of them are important parts of the season and of our culture. Therefore, we want to offer an alternative perspective on how to cultivate joy during the holidays and beyond.
Do No Harm
As a practitioner of holistic health and wellbeing, my view on joy comes from a perspective of ahimsa, which literally translates to “non-violence” or “do no harm”. Ahimsa is the first and foremost of the five yamas described in the Yoga Sutra. It inspires us to live in such a way that we cause no harm in thought, speech, or action to any living being, including ourselves. The concept seems quite simple but ahimsa can quickly go out the window, especially at holiday time. Ram Dass said it best: “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Then, the real truth of your ahimsa will come out.
I have spent a lot of time contemplating how practical ahimsa shows up since it is, in fact, quite difficult to always live in a way that never causes harm – in thought, speech, or action – to anyone, ever. Even those with generally positive family relationships struggle to refrain from mild judgment or opinions of how things or people “should be”. These states of conscious or subconscious righteousness can often trick us into thinking we have found joy through our own morality. Being right – or believing we are right – in the face of interpersonal discord can feel really good, but it doesn’t create joy.
So, how do we cultivate joy if we are constantly in violation of ahimsa? How do we release judgment in favor of doing no harm? I find myself consistently coming back to this quote by Mahatma Gandhi:
“Non-violence, therefore, presupposes ability to strike. It is a conscious deliberate restraint put upon one’s desire for vengeance. But vengeance is any day superior to passive, effeminate and helpless submission. Forgiveness is higher still.”
In short, we don’t. We accept ourselves for our flaws and we accept those around us for theirs. We see the humanity in everyone and everything. We create space for understanding while still knowing that we are human and we will always have an “ability to strike” – to not be perfectly loving or accepting of every condition or circumstance on our path.
That said, we also do the work. We serve others by working on ourselves, by creating the “conscious deliberate restraints” on our desires to strike – to judge, to reject, to harm. And, we practice ahimsa first and foremost toward ourselves, eschewing “helpless submission” by standing up for ourselves, getting clear about our intentions and actions, and taking rest or refuge when needed. In modern terms, this is often referred to as “setting boundaries”.
Finally, we find forgiveness – the ultimate healing power any human could bestow on another and, especially, on themselves.
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” – Lao Tzu
Ways To Practice Ahimsa
In the interest of ahimsa, we offer you here some practical tips to help you cultivate joy this holiday season:
- Maintain your routines – even when traveling. Routines can create a sense of stability and grounding. Your mind, body and spirit thrive upon these energies, especially this time of year.
- Create space for refuge – people often lose a sense of personal space this time of year so schedule a mini holiday home retreat with yourself, replete with grounding activities such as meditation, a massage, or a good book.
- Set boundaries – say “no” to something that you know will drain or deplete you, even if it means disappointing others.
- Create connections – call an old friend or create a new connection with a spiritual or community group in your area. Or, adopt a pet you are certain you can take care of in the future.
- Practice Hand Mudras such as Musthi to help release anger or fear, or Padma/Lotus mudra for balance and connection.
- Introduce a balancing breath practice such as Alternate Nostril Breath.
- Offer forgiveness to someone you never thought you could.
- Take a look at yourself in the mirror and repeat: “I’m sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
Marinate on the concept of ahimsa this holiday season: What does it mean to you? What are your greatest challenges? How can you practice more ahimsa in your life? And, most importantly, how can you practice more ahimsa toward yourself? Want to learn more or create a new connection? Reach out. We’d love to hear from you.
Article authored by Kirsten Ahern, Founder of Path Wellbeing, Clinical Ayurvedic Specialist, Integrative Nutritionist (IIN), Human Performance Coach (HPI), Wellbeing Advocate, E-RYT 200 and RYT 500 and a Meditation, Mindfulness and Spiritual Wellbeing Coach.
